i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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