I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
