I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
