I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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