if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
