I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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