dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
