if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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