should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize