I haven't been this sober since birth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
