yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
