Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
