i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
