I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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