Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
