he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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