a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
