I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
