Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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