bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
