hotel room ftw
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
