Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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