Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
