How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
