Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
