Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
