What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
