Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
