Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
