you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
