im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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