I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
