It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize