Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There r osticjed everywhere
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
