You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
