Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
