I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
