i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
