Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
