OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
