shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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