I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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