He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize