I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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