why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
