I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
