i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
tell me about the eggs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
