Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
