you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
