I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
