just come out here and I will go home with you...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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