I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
