..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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