dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
its not stalking. its research.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
