it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
