He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
