'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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