Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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