She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
