Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
