My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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