I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
