but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can you bring me the toilet please
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize