White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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