you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
