We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
