i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
