after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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