I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
