There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
