are you still at the devil's house?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
