My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
