would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
