i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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