yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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