I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
