me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
