i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
this hospital has no fireball
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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