I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
pray to the hookup gods
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
